Thinking: June 2005 Archives

I can't sleep. My head is too full, too many thoughts swirling around.

Today after meeting with 4 of the 5 bosses in my branch, I got the go-ahead to start training for a flight control position in September. It's what I've wanted for three years. I should be more excited.

The bosses are considering switches between ascent and descent people, to give each other an idea of what the other does. I said I might be interested, potentially, but didn't want to commit. I think all they heard was "interested." I listened to the possible ascent tasks, both of which were, until recently, being done by a friend. Who left because she hated her job. I don't want to take over the job she hated.

I want to get married. Not to just anyone, and I am in no rush. But watching my sister last week, and seeing how happy she was at her wedding, and how she couldn't stop smiling if she tried, made me realize that I want the same thing someday. I want someone who makes me that happy. And yet I don't date, and in fact, I tend to chase people away.

I come back from vacation feeling restless. An 8-5 office job is not what I want to do for the rest of my life, or even for the next decade. My dad left his engineering job after 7 years, when he was in his early 30s. Will that be me? I want the courage to live more freely; I dream about picking up and just travelling, and working odd jobs, but I am too scared to give up my security and my salary. And I don't know where I'd begin anyway.

I come back from vacation having been reminded of what an incredible family I have. I miss them. I miss the comfort of very close friends, the ones that expect nothing from me other than what I am. I never have to pull punches. Sometimes there is drama, but it passes. I never have to stop laughing.

I want to go back to Tech for grad school, and not AE. I promised myself I would apply last winter, and I didn't. I find it hard to think too seriously about moving back to Atlanta. It scares me. Often I feel that the city is a living creature that I left on bad terms, and that I do not belong there.

I want to get all these thoughts out of my head for tonight, so that I can sleep.

Today my sister and my new brother-in-law got married. As expected, Katie was the most beautiful bride I've ever seen.

I'm going to Charlotte today! Yay!

Yesterday I skipped out of work early with Jen, Gavin, Becca and Cari to head to the Houston Museum of Natural Science to see Lord of the Rings Motion Picture Trilogy: The Exhibition. It's an exhibit full of props, scale models, costumes, weapons, jewelry, makeup, prosthetics, and other tidbits from the three movies, as well as lots of videotaped segments describing different aspects of the films (many of which can be found on the DVD extras). Despite being a bit overpriced, it was pretty darn cool. I am amazed at how much time must have gone into making everything -- from the costumes to the swords to the jewelry -- so exquisite, so intricate, and so authentic.

(Sadly, cameras were not allowed, except in the lobby where there were two statues of the Argonath.)

After seeing the exhibit, and listening to the soundtracks all day today, I was of course inspired to come home and put in the first disc of Return of the King on DVD. I haven't actually watched the extended version yet, so it's about time I got around to it. I'm about to watch a bit of the second disc before I have to head out to meet some people for Friday night activities, but I'm sure I'll finish the whole thing before I head to bed tonight.

Watching it again, for only the third time since the theater, I'm struck by what an absolutely incredible bit of movie-making this is; indeed, all three movies. I can't comprehend how much effort must have gone into making them. I wasn't even a huge Lord of the Rings fan a few years ago; I didn't even read the books until I heard the movies were coming out and figured I should know the story going in, you know, the books being classics and all. Of course I loved them.

I think Return of the King is maybe the best movie I have ever seen. Ever.

Some days I really wonder why I became an engineer. Why did I think I could compete with other engineers when it comes to pure, engineering intelligence and capability to understand concepts? It's only now, as I try to learn about what I work on, that I realize that what got me through six years of engineering education was not an innate or intuitive understanding of the way things work; it was simply brute force, rote memorization, and the ability to regurgitate formulas on command.

Days like this make me think I might have been much better off in photography or writing or design. I decided in 9th grade that I would study engineering. I decided early enough that I don't even know what my backup plan would have been.

DAMMIT. I just had a whole entry written and lost it. Stupid backspace serving as "back" button.

GRRRRRRR.

I mentioned last week that I have started getting a fair amount of comment spam, to the tune of maybe a dozen a day. More on my photoblog than here, but still. Last night I finally got around to correctly installing MT-Blackist. (I say "correctly installing" because I tried once before but used the old installation instructions with the new version and it didn't work. Oops.) MT-Blacklist is a Movable Type plugin that blocks comment spam and it is awesome. In little more than 12 hours, it has already blocked 8 comment spams! Hooray.

On to the weekend recap. Friday night was the "Management Shuffle" party after work. There was a smaller crowd that left earlier, a departure from the usual work party modus operandi, though it probably has something to do with the fact that the party wasn't announced until like Wednesday or something. We all left around 7:30 for dinner (Mexican) at Anita's. I hadn't been there in at least a year. It was pretty good; I had shrimp enchiladas and a margarita and both were ok. Not fantastic, but not bad.

Saturday morning was the hot and humid 5K, and Saturday evening a bunch of us celebrated Paul's birthday at Putt-Putt. Imagine our amusement when Sonia, who had told Paul they were going out to a nice restaurant, walked up with Paul, dressed in a nice shirt and tie and blindfolded. Needless to say, he was not expecting Putt-Putt. We all played a round and then decided that it was absolutely necessary that all 14 of us play a round of bumper boats. It turns out that you get a lot wetter doing bumper boats than one would think, probably because we're heavier than little kids and thus displace more water. By the time I got out of my boat I was soaked and dripping water everywhere. I dried out a little while hitting a few balls at the batting cages with Debbie and Cari while the rest played Laser Tag, then stopped by the apartment to change into drier clothes before dinner at Angelo's.

I came home and started the US-Costa Rica World Cup qualifier that I'd Tivoed. I love Tivo! Landon Donovan scored two goals, Kasey Keller made at least three amazing saves, and Brian McBride nabbed a rebound at the end of the game to make it a 3-0 win for the USA. I celebrated by going to bed immediately and sleeping for 12 hours. I don't know what's with my insane sleeping habits lately, but I must be catching up for something.

Yesterday went by quickly, which usually happens when I sleep until noon. I went geocaching with Debbie and we found six caches in 2.5 hours -- talk about efficiency! I don't think we spent more than 30 seconds looking for any of them, though one was quite tricky and I likely never would have found it without Debbie. She knows all the tricks though, and spotted it immediately. It was hot out, but not too bad.

I followed geocaching with a trip to get a pedicure with Becca. This pedicure place is not so good at keeping people who walk in together next to each other, or even on the same schedule, so I didn't really get to talk to Becca since that would have involved shouting across the room. Instead, I read Elle Girl, a version of Elle aimed at teenagers. It was very entertaining, both in subject matter (such as: "Name Your iPOD. Instead of 'Where's my iPod?' doesn't 'Mom, have you seen Bob?' sound better?") and in writing style ("for reals" and "We don't mention basics like jeans and Converse because, well, obviously."). There was even an interview with Captain Oats (Seth's toy horse on the O.C.) and a featured t-shirt emblazoned with "If Found, Please Return Me To Orlando Bloom".

It was very amusing.

My new Canon 20D came yesterday. I am so excited! I haven't had time to do my own tests yet, but I dug up these two graphs from Digital Photography Review (DPReview) to illustrate the primary reason I decided to go ahead and upgrade:

Here is a chart of the performance of my 10D while shooting for 30 seconds in continuous mode:

See how it will do a lovely 3 frames-per-second for 3 seconds, and then slows down to only a frame per second and then slows down even more? That type of behavior is bad for race photography! I can get 34 shots in the first 30 seconds, but in the 30 seconds following that I'd be lucky to get 15-20 shots.

Now here is the chart for my 20D, again shooting for 30 seconds in continuous mode:

Five frames-per-second for 36 shots! Then 1.7 fps! Then about 1 fps after that. 76 shots in 30 seconds, that's more than twice as many as the 10D! I can get 76 shots in the first 30 seconds, and at least 30 more in the next 30 seconds. (Not to mention that I will probably not actually shoot 5 fps because shooting that fast isn't necessary for a race; not using the 5 fps means that the buffer will not get bogged down as quickly and I can probably average 60-80 shots per minute indefinitely.) Beautiful. And the 20D has a faster write speed, which means the buffer will clear faster. That means the camera will be quicker to "recharge" each time I have even a 2-3 second break between runners.

I can't wait to shoot my first race with my 20D!