May 2002 Archives

here i sit in the "computer room" in charlotte. it's funny. i feel completely normal being home. mom and i went on a walk this afternoon and got caught in a downpour. dad had to come pick us up; we were cowering under an overhang outside a building at queens college. mom and david and i had dinner at showmar's. all is normal, all is calm. i am trying not to think about homework.

i took the redeye flight. left san francisco at 12:50 a.m., arrived in minneapolis at 6:15, left again at 7:05, and arrived in charlotte at 10:24. which was only 7:30 california time. ewwww, time zones screw me up. i did manage to sleep for about 3 hours on the sfo-msp leg, and was fortunate enough to land in an empty row so that i could lay down across three seats. landed in minneapolis, found a bathroom, brushed my teeth, looked in the mirror and realized that i looked absolutely horrible. baggy eyes and everything. ugh. i wasn't so lucky with the seats on the msp-clt leg and didn't get any more sleep.

i got home, fed my growling stomach, bummed around, thought about doing homework, decided against it, and finally crashed for another 3 hours. mom woke me up at 4:45, fearful that if i didn't get up, i'd never be able to sleep tonight. heh. never fear mom. i'm exhausted.

i got to talk to both cayce and leila tonight. leila had seen a coke commercial with counting crows, and wanted to share. cayce needed to tell me the wedding plans. she's picking me up bright and early tomorrow and we're heading to boone. we'll come back to charlotte on saturday, then it's back to stanford for me on sunday.

sarah's no-name team jumped up by 6 points today on the heels of jim thome's two home runs...and a few bad pitching performances by other people's players. back into first place, right where i like to be.

my eyes are getting droopy.

today has been a california heat wave...it's 84 degrees at 7:00! heh. after enjoying the weather here for so long, today actually feels a bit warm. and to think in two months i'll be living in houston, where 84 degrees is a summertime cold spell.

this woman from my credit card company just called offering me credit protection. i listened to her whole spiel because after all, she's talking about a credit card i already have. but i really don't need protection from injury or unexpected job loss...and i was thoroughly unimpressed that she was reading the whole spiel. now, i know telemarketeres are reading off cues or whatever when they call you, but at least they could make it sound like they're excited. this woman spoke in monotone. she almost put me to sleep. and she was so bored by the whole thing that when i told her i didn't want the protection plan, it tooks a moment for what i said to register. {sigh} telemarketers.

so in four hours, nick is coming to pick me up and take me to the airport. i'm going home this weekend for jes's wedding. it will be fun to see my family and old friends, but it stresses me out a bit to be leaving school right at crunch time. next wednesday is the last day of classes, and finals run next friday through the following wednesday. i'll be taking homework home with me this weekend. it sucks, but i'm have to do it or i'll never finish everything. most annoying is that both aa271 and aa279 handed out new homework assignments today. you'd think they'd let us start studying for the finals or something. oh well.

(10:36 p.m.)

procrastination is a wonderful thing. i just posted about 20 more pictures from the half dome hike. find them here.

i usually don't address specific people in this journal, but i have been asked to give a shout out to a guy named eric stewart. hello eric. i'm flattered that you think i sound like a cool person. ;)

i dropped becca off at the airport early this morning, so my memorial day weekend adventure is officially over. how disappointing! i am still riding the adrenaline rush from sunday's hike/climb. yosemite was awesome. half dome was awesome. if you didn't catch the link yesterday, you can go to my homepage and click on the last link to go to a page i made about the 8.2 miles and 4,800 feet elevation gain up to the top of half dome, the time i spent at the top, and the 8.2 miles and 4,800 feet elevation loss back. there are plenty of pictures, and i will add more when i get the chance.

ideally, i'd like to make an informative page about the half dome hike, since i gathered a lot of useful information from reading a few other webpages put together by people who'd done the hike before. it's a great hike accessible to anyone in decent physical shape, but there are also a few things people should know before they head out. i'm definitely glad that becca and i did our research ahead of time.

but today it's back to the real world, meaning...school. ick. i have a lot to catch up on, and quickly. these last two weeks are going to be stressful, i fear. late tomorrow night i'll be getting on a plane for charlotte, where i'll then drive to boone for jes's wedding on saturday. i'll fly back here on sunday for three more days of class, one day off, and then--BAM!--finals. before i know it, i'll be graduating again. i can hardly believe a year has gone by so quickly...it seems like only yesterday that i was moving into this cramped bedroom and wondering what stanford had in store for me. suddenly, it's summertime again. this summer is different though; this time around, instead of begging time to slow down, i can laugh and just say...

bring it on.

(10:51 p.m.)

this is my friend tibor:

on tuesday nights, i cook at breakers with tibor, nick, and dave. tibor is from slovakia and would have joined the communist party if it had lasted long enough; thus, i have dubbed him my favorite almost-communist. :)

tonight, he came in saying that he realized he doesn't understand an american social custom--hugging! it turns out that when i gave him a hug a few weeks ago, he was traumatized. (ok, well maybe not traumatized...let's just say he was caught off guard and shocked.) i didn't realize a simple hug had caused such a reaction, but as he said: "i hug my mother, my father, and my girlfriend. no one else. when you hugged me i didn't know what to do!" so i hugged him again, and he stiffened. i laughed, and so as we were cooking, we discussed the fact that he can hug someone and it doesn't have to be sexual. it's not that he doesn't like being hugged, it's just that he has always perceived it to be a sign of something deeper, never as a simple greeting or friendly gesture.

hee. today i taught a slovakian how to hug.

this weekend was...awesome!!! if you want to read about how painful the climb to half dome (in yosemite national park) can be, i'm sorry, you'll have to read becca's account of our journey. if you want to hear how incredible the climb to half dome is, i promise to write about it tomorrow. today, i've already done enough writing about it, and i posted some pictures to go along with the story. find it on my homepage: here.

today, breakfast at peninsula, then driving to yosemite. tonight, at the yosemite bug hostel. tomorrow, bright and early, drive into the park to the happy isles trailhead. by lunchtime or shortly thereafter: half dome.

god i love california.

friday afternoon. driving down the highway, windows down, sun shining, hair swirling around my head, sunglasses firmly on. not a cloud in the sky. to my right, foothills backed by mountains; to my left, wind-tossed waters of the bay. on the radio, counting crows, murder of one, live version.

and i have been to paris, and i have been to rome, and i have gone to london, and i am all alone, and i have been to paris, i have been to rome, i've gone to new york city and i am all alone.

there are some moments that should never end.

"Somebody told me (I can't remember who) that the first year of work right after you graduate is one of the hardest times when you have such a sudden change from a very sociable environment surrounded by friends and folks your age to the working world where you have to act professional and work 8+ hours a day at something you may or may not enjoy. I guess I'll be there soon enough so that I can comment on it first hand, but it's rather sad if that's the case. My good friend Jen always said that people get married because they graduate from college and realize how bored and lonely they are, so they get married and have kids to fill the void. I always argued with her on this and said people get married for more idealistic reasons, like being in love with each other, but she still stuck to her point."

(2:11 a.m.)

after spending the evening in nick's room, i just rode across campus to turn in my aa271 and ee106 homework just so that i don't have to go on campus tomorrow. i can sleep as late as i want.

riding at night with the cool breeze and emptiness was nice.

this is maybe my new favorite picture of me, courtesy of nick. at big dance. i post it here because i think there may be a few people who'd like to have it. and because i like it.

today's sign that the apocalypse is upon us: abercrombie sells thongs for kids. eee gads. don't they have anything better to do?

in other news, the "other" bay area baseball team appears to be in total freefall. i've followed the a's this year and even been to a few games; it's nice to have an american league team to root for. but after a hot start, they've fallen apart. yesterday they sent three sometimes-starters back to triple-a ball and called up three minor leaguers in an attempt to shake things up. then today they traded one of the best guys on the team--jeremy giambi--to the phillies for someone the phils have mostly been using only as a pinch hitter. this whole move sounds really sketchy to me.

there's also a pitcher starting for the cubs tonight who was in college a year ago. talk about a quick stint in the minor leagues. i wonder how he'll do in his first outing.

and in even more weird baseball news, mike piazza made an announcement that he's not gay. what? i hadn't even heard that he might be. in fact, i figure he must be straight, otherwise how can you explain the hideous bleach job he did on his hair last year?? ;)

anyway, enough news bites.

let's see, what's on tap for my afternoon...laundry, i think. desperately so. it's been three weeks since i last washed clothes. this is good because it means i have quite a supply of clothing...but bad because it means my laundry basket has been overflowing for days now. i hate doing laundry. it's too far to walk, so i have to get in my car and drive over to the freaking laundry room, and since the roads here are configured strangely, i end up having to drive almost two miles when the laundry room is really only half a mile away as the crow flies. if it were only a little closer, i would just figure out some way to drag my clothes there.

i should finish this 271 homework too. it was actually due yesterday, but since we had a midterm yesterday as well, andy said he would make the homework due "under the table" whenever we finished it. within reason, of course. i figure i have till friday to turn it in.

(5:51 p.m.)

and for one more sign of the apocalypse...really, how crass is this?

semi-bad news. this morning i went to the health center to have my ankle looked at. it's been bothering me for more than a week now, especially since running bay to breakers on sunday. i went ahead and did the race because i figured the pain was just because i hadn't been stretching enough, but sunday night my ankle hurt a lot and was visibly swollen. so today i went to the health center.

the diagnosis? a mild/moderate sprain. i can walk and everything, it's just a bit uncomfortable. for the next week, i've been told to do the whole "rice" thing--rest, ice, compression, elevate. and take a bunch of anti-inflammatories (i.e. advil). but most frustrating is that i'm not supposed to go running for a week. :(

here's hoping it feels better by sunday, when becca and i are hoping to do the 17-mile half dome hike in yosemite. i think it will be if i treat it well for these next 5 days.

two years ago it was my knee (though dislocating my knee was much more painful and took much longer to recover from), and now it's my anke. i'm starting to hate all of my joints. ;) geez. i'm 24, not 84.

(1:43 p.m.)

great news! nick was accepted by a musical theater school in victoria, canada! he is still hoping to get into a ballet school in france (their applications aren't due till june), but it's awesome that at the very least, he now has a fallback plan. yay!

it has been raining on and off today, which is strange. i thought it wasn't supposed to rain in may here. ah well. weather is strange. i still haven't totally gotten over the wonderful fact that it is the middle of may, and it's not hot and humid outside already. lovely.

often when it rains, i can look outside my window at the roof of the building next door and see it steaming. in fact, it's steaming as i type this. i wonder why this happens. i guess the roof must warm up a lot from having the sun shine on it.

i'm stressed out with school though. i have things to do, but really don't feel like doing them. ugh. tomorrow is the 271 midterm. it's open book, open notes.

in the mail today, i got a letter addressed to "the family of sarah graybeal" offering them (and me) a free 9-month $10,000 life insurance policy through the stanford alumni association when i graduate. this makes me laugh.

i also got a letter from g. wayne clough himself (everyone say "ooh aah") inviting me to "one of two special meetings in the greater san francisco area. they are among 36 global leadership identification program meetings we are holding around the country and overseas to ask key alumni like you to help us identify the next generation of leaders who will propel georgia tech to new heights."

i wonder if this is actually something worthwhile, something that i should attend...or if it will be boring as hell. if they're just going to ask me for money, well, too bad, i have no money. oh wait. i just read it again, and the letter says i won't be asked for money. hmmm, in that case, i am even more curious to know if the meeting is something in which i should participate. i tend to have a very jaded view of georgia tech politics, and would be quite annoyed if that's all it is.

hee hee, i just noticed that on the registration form they sent me, under the heading "student organizations/activities", they have listed "president's scholar." well eureka, that's why i got the letter. hmm. i would feel much more motivated to go if they had sent it to me because i was an editor for the 'nique, or because i was president of both aerospace student organizations at one time or the other. i don't put much importance on the fact that i was a president's scholar, other than the fact they gave me less than 1/8 of what i needed to pay for 4 years of school. the money was helpful, if only a little. but basing my importance on the fact that i was a ps....ugh. give me a break.

anyway, enough ranting about gt politics and the ps program. :)

(12:06 a.m.)

i don't know whether i'm just bad at keeping in touch with people, or whether they're bad at keeping in touch with me. it becomes harder and harder when i perceive little response. from james:

My email subject is my new nickname for you... "The black hole of email." I send you email, and it seems like you rarely respond. :-) But I write something insulting AE's in my online diary and you respond. That's pretty funny. :-)

his remark is accurate, i have to admit, which is too bad, because he sends me email on a regular basis. even if it's just to say hi, which is more than i can say for most of my other friends.

but people have different communication styles, and that's something that i eventually got used to. i wonder if this isn't the way it's "supposed" to be. carter's mom still gets together every year with her college roommates; i've always thought that sounds great, that that's just what i want to happen with my friends. but i wonder if it will. i mean, we see each other now, but eventually we won't be in the same cities, or we won't feel so disconnected by being apart. maybe it's up to me to be the instigator, to send the emails, to make the phone calls, and not worry if i don't get any in return. it probably is, but it doesn't make clicking "send" or picking up the phone any easier.

i guess i just like the validation that comes from being on the receiving end. to know that i am thought about.

so this morning i ran in the 91st annual bay to breakers race though san francisco. it went from--duh--the bay, to the breakers (pacific ocean). here's the course map:

the day sucked--cold and rainy--but the race was a lot of fun, and i can now say that i've run 7.5 miles with 75,000 other people. yes, there were so many people. we got in line somewhere in the middle of the pack, and it took us 25 minutes just to get to the starting line; by the time we were passing mile 1, someone was winning the race with a time of 34 minutes. heh.

the first few miles were slow going, and we had to slow to a fast walk quite a few times just because we couldn't get past the mobs of people ahead of us. but around the hayes street hill--a big, steep san francisco-style hill--the crowd thinned out enough so that there was room to move. we ran the rest of the way, finishing in an "official" time of about 2 hours. but since it took us so long to get to the start line, i timed myself and clocked in at 1:32:09. not bad at all, considering how slow we had to go for the first few miles.

and while running, we got to look at all the crazy people in costumes. let's see, i saw batman and robin...a girl dressed as a toaster...the fallopian swim team (sarcastic laugh)...a few vikings...a guy with yoda on his back...and far too many old fat and completely naked men. the most common "costume" was just to run in something zany--ball gowns, funny hats, colorful tights, tiaras, wings, etc. and let's see, the most entertaining thing we passed was the house on the hayes street hill, where 5 gay men were standing out front dressed as the village people and doing coordinated dances to "ymca" and "macho man." they were awesome.

anyway, it was a lot of fun, while running. once i stopped i got cold and started to shiver, and being completely soaked didn't help. it felt so good to get home and shower. :) in any case, woohoo! i ran farther than i have ever run before!

finally, from friday night--a group shot of everyone who danced till 6 in the morning!

i didn't mean to do it, i swear. i didn't mean to stay at big dance until it ended at 6 a.m. i meant to leave after 4 hours or so...around 1 or 2 a.m. i wasn't going to stay all night. i was going to be sensible, get some sleep.

ah, but i didn't. i stayed. i did the waltz, the polka, the lindy hop. the cha-cha, jitterbug. line dances. conga lines. and now my feet hurt, and my eyes are dry, and my shoes are sticky.

and i had so much fun.

so nick and i saw star wars: episode 2 last night. i have two major comments. one, it was much better than episode 1. two, george lucas should never again be allowed to do romantic scenes of any kind. anytime anakin and natalie portman made googly eyes at each other, i wanted to laugh out loud. the "love" scenes were so incredibly cheesy.

but the rest of the movie was really entertaining. all the chase and fight scenes were awesome, and watching yoda kick some ass was maybe the highlight of the entire movie. i liked both ewan macgregor and natalie portman better this time around, though the guy who played anakin could have been better. but all the dialogue seemed less wooden and forced--definitely a good thing. all in all, i guess i can sum it up in this statement: i'd consider seeing episode 2 a second time in the theater; i never want to see episode 1 again anywhere.

anyway. that's my two minute review of the movie.

i love fridays. today i slept until 11:30. technically i have class at 2:15, but i never go because it's so easy. it's an undergraduate class about planetary exploration...a subject which i already know a lot about. this afternoon i'm going shopping with emily and her friend christina, who is visiting. i need a new bathing suit. hmm.

tonight is big dance! it starts at 9 and ends at 6 a.m. i don't know if i'll be able to make it all night, but we'll see how it goes. i know it will be a lot of fun...just tiring as well. :)

"may 16, 2001"

"third day on the train. we have been debating amongst ourselves whether we could have gotten away with buying only the 15-day eurail pass instead of the 1-month that we got, but the flexibility of being able to hop on a train to anywhere and not worry about schedule or price is unbeatable. train travel is actually a lot of fun. you get to meet or observe random people, and see lots of countryside...you'd never be able to do it any other way. i wish trains were a more feasible option in the united states.

///

i think it must be travel season for german schoolchildren or something--everywhere we go, there are sizeable groups of 14- or 16-year-olds. perhaps they have some kind of spring break? i'm not sure.

the other interesting note about germany is the number of bicycles! when we left the train station in heidelberg, there must have been literally 500 bikes parked outside, some locked up, but some just sitting with the kickstand as its support. i saw lots of bikes in stuttgart as well, and have seen them sitting at the train stations--hauptbahnhof--we're passing on our way to fussen.

in the distance, i can see the alps! it's breathtaking and humorous all in one glance--we're riding through flat plains and farmland, seeing cows grazing in pastures, and then suddenly in the distance i noticed huge, snow-capped mountains! they just rise up to these majestic heights seemingly out of nowhere! i can't wait to get to fussen and be in the middle of them. i was hesitant to miss munich, but this castle should be great. if nothing else, it is fun to pass through these small german towns. it reminds me of the bus ride in stratford-upon-avon a week ago, when we sat among the schoolchildren...just like we are doing at the moment on this train.

we just passed a field full of yellow flowers and puffy dandelions. these are the kinds of towns that you'd stop at if you truly wanted a random experience. it'd help if we knew german though!

but geez, kids everywhere. becca and i are caught in the crossfire between two boys and a few girls throwing bigs of paper back and forth at each other. "the middle school mating ritual," as becca called it, and rightly so. it's annoying to get pelted every once in a while, but also kind of funny. the paper balls are getting bigger--if i were at home, i'd have taken the newspaper away from the kids by now, but here, i don't even know how to talk to them. anyway, a few just got off the train, so the frenzy of flying paper has calmed.

///

this afternoon becca and i visited neuschwanstein, one of the many extravagant castles built by mad king ludwig ii of bavaria in the 1800s. it is the castle disney based cinderella's castle on, and it was absolutely beautiful. building it was so expensive that ludwig ran out of money, was declared insane, and "mysteriously died." all work on the castle stopped immediately, and so many of the rooms are unfinished. the ones that were completed are extravagantly decorated with paintings depicting richard wagner's operas, wood carvings, and ornate chadeliers. the throne room even had a delicate mosaic floor showing all kinds of animals. it was really neat to see.

fussen has turned out to be very nice. after checking into the hostel--which is sparkling clean! :) --we wandered back into town. instead of a full dinner, we opted for coffee and ice cream sundaes at an outdoor cafe. it was sooo relaxing to just sit and sip and talk, with the alps providing the background scenery.

kimberly is in town somewhere, but she missed getting a bed at the hostel because they're full. we hope to find her tomorrow.

this has been maybe the best day of the trip so far for me. we began in stuttgart with a jelly doughnut--ich bin ein berliner!--and ended with a pleasant walk to the hostel. the building is in a lovely and quaint location, hidden in a neighborhood along the railroad tracks. we even laid some german coins and an american dime on the tracks to have them flattened by the next train. that made us giggle like kids.

tomorrow we hike around fussen and then head to munich to meet with carter, kent, and hopefully kimberly."

uh oh.

cool.

(12:18 a.m.)

i must be good luck for the braves. :) after losing two straight to the giants on monday and tuesday, they won today with me in the lower level on the first base side. no one would go with me to the game, but i went anyway. it was a lot of fun. i bought my ticket off a scalper who i talked from $40 down to $28 (the face value of the ticket) and bought a program so i could keep score. my seat was next to these nice old men, season ticket holders who knew a lot about baseball and the giants. combined with my knowledge of the braves, we had quite a time. maddux was brilliant in eight strong innings, giving up only one run--unearned--in the ninth. smoltzie came on in relief after maddux gave up a few hits and, after giving up the single that drove in the unearned run, proceeded to shut down the giants for a 6-1 win. good game. beautiful day.

good run tonight, 4.2 miles, 42:32. i'm running in bay to breakers on sunday, which is a 12k--7.5 miles. i doubt i will be able to run the whole way, as that is farther than i've ever gone, and since i long ago promised to go out dancing saturday night with emily and company for her birthday and will be tired. but i'm looking forward to it anyway.

last night was weird. i went to sleep thinking about the earthquake, then my phone rang at 5:30 a.m. i didn't pick up, and they didn't leave a message. grrr. then my phone rang again at 7:00. didn't answer again, this time it was the woman from village on the lake apartments in houston, who left a message, and obviously has not been listening the two times that i've told her i'm in california right now and therefore am 2 hours behind houston time. grrr again.

so yeah, i have my california earthquake story now. brian, who has lived in the bay area all his life, was quite amused at those of us in the aero/astro library exclaiming about experiencing our first earthquake. he laughed and said "oh that was nothing!" he said what we felt was probably about a magnitude 3, since we were so far from the epicenter. he said the strongest he's ever felt is a 5.7 (he was out of town for the 1989 quake). alberto was around for the '89 one, which was 6.9 or 7.1 or something, and so he was even more amused by our "newbie" reaction. oh well. even so, the one yesterday was the strongest in this area in 10 years, and i still think it was exciting.

i'm tired of being teased at breakers and told i have the mind of a 13-year-old. grrr. dorks. tonight i made cherry cobbler, which turned out quite yummy. i had to pitt all the cherries, and as luck would have it, one that i missed turned up in my piece of cobbler. i chomped down on the cherry and ow! it was funny.

hmm, i'm trying to think if there's anything i need to do tonight. i got my 271 homework assignment done this afternoon, so that's out of the way...yeah, i don't think i have any more homework due until friday. cool! that means i should definitely be able to go to the braves-giants game tomorrow afternoon. i'm going by myself, because no one will come with me. weird, eh? i have asked more than a dozen people, and they either 1) are busy, or 2) find baseball extremely boring. wackos.

oh. since i posted that entry about the possibility of ending this online adventure, i've gotten three emails--including one from someone i've never met--telling me that they enjoy reading, and i should keep writing. so i guess i will.

(11:41 p.m.)

got back from a run a while ago. i only went 2.5 miles, but i ran at a 9:52 pace. good for me. faster is what i want to be. i have a month before i want to be able to do a 5k in a half hour or less. that's a pace of 9:40. i'm almost there. 12 seconds faster per mile, and 0.6 more miles and i'm there.

ohmygod, EARTHQUAKE!

until last september, i had lived my whole life on the eastern seaboard. i can deal with hurricanes, tornados, massive thunderstorms, and other assorted natural disasters, but when the ground starts moving, man that is just freaky.

pertinent details: it happened 29 seconds after 10:00, magnitude 5.2, epicenter about 4.7 miles deep and 3 miles southwest of gilroy; gilroy is about 45 miles southeast of stanford. it was felt all the way up the peninsula, and even on the other side of the golden gate bridge. here in my room, i felt it for...maybe 5 seconds? long enough for me to realize that it was an earthquake and wonder whether i should move, but short enough that i didn't even get up from my chair.

from the maps, it appears that there was sort of an increase in ground acceleration around palo alto, so maybe we felt it more strongly than most. my friend aaron fell down in his room. either way. at the sharks game in san jose, it lasted for about 10 seconds and made the area lights shake for a while. closer to the epicenter, it broke some windows and set off some alarms. disrupted some phone service in san jose.

freaky, man.

here are some links, for those of you who are interested:

• earthquake map
• seismograph charts
• possibility of aftershocks
• intensity map
• sf chronicle online article
• ground acceleration
• did you feel it?

wow. i have never felt an earthquake before. california. what a strange place i'm living in. :) always something exciting. all year i've been saying i thought it'd be cool to feel an earthquake...not a big one, just strong enough to feel, not to cause any damage. i guess i got my "wish." so that's nice, i suppose. only now i don't want to feel any more!

lately i've been having second thoughts about this whole online journal thing. there are advantages to it, and reasons that i enjoy keeping a diary online and in public...but there are disadvantages as well. i'm considering ending this online adventure and just going back to my webpage. problem? i might miss it. solution? i don't know.

anyway. if anyone reads this and feels strongly for or against web journals, feel free to email me.

went out with a bunch of aero/astro people tonight for cecile, valerie, and manuel's birthdays. we went to kan zeman, this lebanese/middle eastern restaurant up on haight street in the city. yup, haight as in haight-ashbury, former home of hippes and druggies and dead-heads. the neighborhood was thus quite entertaining, and the restaurant was fantastic. we sat on cushions on the floor beneath two poles and a lot of draped fabric. it was dark, lit by candles. there was a belly dancer. very cool atmosphere.

i really like the aero/astro group. never have i had a group of friends so diverse, in both ethnicity and in age. they are just a really fun bunch to hang out with. tonight, for instance, i found out that takumi (in addition to being adorable) has a really great singing voice.

tomorrow i have a big decision to make.

{happy sigh}

the past 24 hours have been perfect.

they involved:

• dancing with emily, nick, sean, and susan at the casa italiana party until the police broke it up for being too noisy (boo police)
• laughing with mike and kyle on our way out
• harassing the late night jack in the box drive-thru people
• hitting the sack at 3:30 and sleeping till noon
• cruising across campus in a borrowed green convertible
• having a turkey sandwich and cheetos for lunch at breakers
• lying in the sun at the pool for 3 hours with nick, susan, and two hot swedish guys (david and petter, woowoo)
• not sunburning my lovely pale freckled english skin, thanks to my expert (and liberal) application of spf 30 sunscreen
• reading the latest sports illustrated, which has an article about my favorite random baseball player, padres closer trevor hoffman
• talking to my parents, even if they were stressing me out about my move
• playing soccer for the aero/astro intramural team , finding out that we were skins this week, and seeing all my teammates with their shirts off ;)
• an, ahem, "healthy" dinner and a jamocha shake at arby's
• hanging out and stretching with nick
• laughing at curt
• going for a good, hilly 3+ mile run at a decent pace of about 10:30
• taking a long shower and shaving my leggies
• heading downstairs to watch saturday night live

{happy sigh}

"of those to whom much is given, much is required. and we have all been given a great deal. think of all those who are unable to read. think of all those who will never see a university classroom. and remember every day how lucky you are to be where you sit today. and remember to do something with your life that makes you happy. it may be in journalism, or it may not. doesn't matter. whatever it is, find your passion and hold on to it with both hands."

(12:15 p.m.)

i am kong.

strong and passionate, i tend to be misunderstood, sometimes even feared. i don't want to fight, i don't want to cause trouble, all i ask is a little love, and a little peace. if i don't get what i want, i get angry, and throw barrels and flaming oil at whatever's stopping me.

(1:41 p.m.)

"packing, remembering all the craziness from this past year and looking forward to a much needed summer vacation. i can't wait for fall though because the craziness will only multiply and the time will only be better. i can't believe freshman year is over."

this is by far the funniest one-liner i have heard in a really long time, courtesy some guy named zach russo and espn.com's page 2:

"if french stewart and renee zellweger had a child, would that kid be blind?"

freaking hilarious, in my opinion. made me laugh out loud. good story.

my fantasy baseball team, the yahoo-drafted one, is on its way back to the cellar after a burst of glory a week ago. i have moved all the way up to 4th place out of 12; now i'm at number 7 and falling. i'd trade for new players, except i have no one to trade. oh well, at least i'm still king of the hill in the houston-people league. oh yeah.

i made up the 279 midterm this afternoon, and i think it went well. i was surprised by a question on greenwich's right ascension, and how it changes over the years, but i think i may have worked out the answer. (meaning i worked out something that made sense in my head, but it remains to be seen whether the answer was actually right or not.) it was a 4 part question, and i knew that the answer to one of the parts was "the period of the sawtooth is four years, because of the way we use leap years to readjust our calendar." so i just took the concept of a leap year and went running with it. hope i'm right.

anyway. yeah, i know, listening to a description of my test-taking experience is so exciting, right?

i'm hungry. good thing dinner is soon. tonight i really want to see a movie. maybe i'll go.

(11:08 p.m.)

i'm so pumped. i'm such a geek. a few days ago i finally reached the point of no return--when my hard drive was completely full and there was nothing i was willing to delete. so last night i went out and got a great deal on a sparkling new 120 gigabyte drive. i installed it tonight (and thoroughly impressed my english-major roommate, who i think had never seen the inside of a computer before), and transferred all my pictures and mp3s to the new drive. i know--funny isn't it? that i had to buy a new freaking hard drive just to hold my digital pictures and mp3s? i had long ago lost track of how much music i have on my computer, but it turns out that i have somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 gigabytes of it. yup. my c drive (13 gigs) went from being completely full to being less than half full, while all the files barely make a dent in my new enormous d drive. this make me quite amused.

such a geek.

nice, relaxing and work-free afternoon, but i forgot that i have to make up my orbital dynamics midterm tomorrow. {sigh} so i'll have to study this afternoon and evening. however, i understand the material quite well, so hopefully it will only take 3 hours or so of study on my part.

    i like this person's diary. no particular reason. just find it interesting.

    my room is a mess again. i feel like i clean a lot, but it never gets any less messy. this is probably due to the fact that my definition of "clean" is much closer to "move the piles around" and so nothing actually gets thrown out. heh. i'll have to work on that once i move to houston, or my apartment will become a black hole for stuff, and that is definitely not what i want. but speaking of stuff...i've decided to get the one bedroom with study instead of just 1br, because it will be really nice to have an extra room for all my projects and things. so that i don't have to have my computer in my living room or bedroom. so that i can close the door to the study and see nothing but my beautiful, tidy apartment. so that i don't feel like i'm living like a college student anymore. i can hardly wait! :)

it is absolutely beautiful today. finally it is warm again. 70 degrees and sunny sunny sunny. i may take a study break to lay in the grass.

(11:47 p.m.)

there are too many days where i forget how lucky i am to be loved by incredible people. ugh, that sounds so cheesy.

we all live our lives and deal with what comes in the best way that we know how. i am silly to ever be jealous, ordisapproving. or anything other than understanding and supportive.

this world is crazy. school ends, cars crash, buildings fall, jobs disappear. school ends again. we never know what will happen tomorrow. but i think we'll be ok.

i like what karen wrote today, in response to the aforementioned "graduation anniversary":

"i think that most of us have finally found peace with our decisions and our present situation. they aren't the same, and mostly they aren't as good as they were only just a year ago. but they are reality, and they have the promise of being really good."

yes. "the promise of being really good." that is what i am waiting for so impatiently. for that promise to arrive. i am scared that the more i want it, the farther away it flies. i admire christina because she is so good at living in the moment...or at least pretending that she is living in the moment. it makes me happy to think that she really is. i know even she has her moments of doubt, but...i envy her ability to always make the best of whatever situation she finds herself in.

i'm glad i went to atlanta this past weekend. i'm glad i'm back in california. i still harbor some powerful longings for the past, but i also know i can never have it back. and really, even though my life is more in limbo than it has ever been before...i can't say with certainty that i would go back. sometimes i still miss it so much it hurts, but i can't say that i would go back.

we have to keep on keeping on, and move down that foggy road. i think i'll make it.

(10:46 a.m.)

almost fell asleep in class this morning. not good. anyway. it seems other people are doing a good job of describing my own feelings. this is from the online journal of a guy i know though others, an acquaintance, really, and so i will not put his name here. instead, i will just quote what he said that struck a chord:

"this is all very funny to me because when i was in high school i was such an introvert, but now i feel like i feed off the energy of having close friends that i can trust and be comfortable around. i know that there are millions of friendships between people who "know" each other, and would say hi if they met in the store, but i cherish the close friendships between people who make me smile when i see them, and who i know i can do the same."

that is a rather perfect description of the biggest change that i have undergone in the last six years. sometimes i don't remember how to feed off my own energy, but other times i do. i like those times.

(2:39 p.m.)

lots of updates today. this time though, i'm not quoting anybody. oh well, i'm sure the few people who read this will be disappointed. wah. :)

so counting crows are coming out with their new album on june 25. woohoo! they played a few songs from it at music midtown on saturday, and i actually recognized them--from when leila and i saw them in concert last summer! it was quite odd...i had completely forgotten that they were even working on a new album, much less that i had actually heard a few of the tracks already. but cool. i like the new ones.

i'm about to call one of the apartment complexes in houston...oooh, big step! by the end of the week, i should have an apartment. i'm slightly nervous because of the whole commitment and contract thing...but really pumped to be making my preparations. being in atlanta this weekend made me even more excited about getting to houston. i'm have no idea why, but it did. anyway. must call. then time for yoga.

have you ever noticed that it's easier to write when you are sad, tired, or confused? when i'm happy, the words just don't come. i guess if i ever do write a book, it should be a tragedy, not a comedy. a comedy from me would be barely the length of a short story. a tragedy would rival victor hugo for length. but where was i? oh yes....the anniversary.

it has been one year since i graduated from college. i know that i'm still in school, but in my mind, my college life ended and the real world began one year ago. i came to stanford to take a five year job which has since had its contract shortened to a mere nine months. i love california though. every morning i wake up trying to find another way that i could stay there forever, every time i drive down the road and see the hills and the sky and the people, i want to freeze time and stay in the moment. the funny thing is that i could stay, if i wanted. i don't have to move to houston. i don't have to stay in school either. i could just stay in california. find an apartment. find a job. find friends. find someone to love.

i could just stay.

but i'm not. not right now. i have a strange feeling that i will be back, that this is not the last time i will live on that peninsula nestled between the bay and the sea, teeming with interesting people and interesting things. but i will not stay there now.

i am excited about moving to houston. i am excited about getting an apartment, making some money, knowing that the next time i move, it will be my decision alone. most of all, i am excited about getting back to the one place where i have always been true to myself. if only my friends could see me in houston, if only they could see me when i am really, truly me. it's not that i'm some other person outside of houston...i guess a better explanation is that when i am elsewhere, i sometimes feel pressures to act a certain way, or rather react a certain way. as if i'm supposed to fill a certain role.

if only it were easier to be true to myself in places other than houston.

only i don't feel that way so much anymore. i don't care about acting or reacting like i'm supposed to. i worry less about doing the wrong thing in front of someone, about not acting a certain way because of a tumultuous past.

one year since graduation. perhaps the most unexpected thing is that i don't miss atlanta anymore. i used to think that atlanta was the perfect city, that i could picture myself living here for the rest of my life. but when christina's car rounded the bend on i-85 on thursday and the skyline appeared in front of me, i didn't feel like i was coming home. for the first time in many years, i didn't feel like i was coming home.

at georgia tech, i learned so many things about life, and who i am. i grew and changed in ways i can't even put into words, and in ways that i probably don't even remember. despite all that, i think the past year has been even bigger. i have changed more in the past year than in the previous five. these days, i'm scared that the people who mean the most to me don't know who i am anymore, because i'm not with them. because while they still laugh and talk and see each other every other day, i've gone through the first year of the real world without them. and they haven't been there while i've been growing and changing.

there is more to say, but it doesn't belong here.

i wonder where i'm going. i wish there were someone willing to listen.

a year after graduation, i have quite a bit to reflect on. i'm better. but fortunately for anyone who reads this, i still have quite a bit of confusion. makes for good writing, right? ;)

so i'm in atlanta. heh. that should explain the lack of entries over the past few days. get me away from my computer, and i don't update. here's the recap:

i'm having a nice time here, a really nice time. i arrived thursday afternoon and was met at the airport by a sign saying "beavers and ducks," kermit the frog, and oh yeah--christina in a graduation cap, kent in a graduation gown, and carter holding the sign. it was quite funny. i spent that evening with christina, kent, chris and my sister, and spent my last night in christina's apartment. friday christina was off to spend time with her family, and i met up with kent and carter for a matinee of spiderman. it was quite good, i'd see it again. i wanna be spiderman. i wanna be able to swing from place to place.

that evening we had dinner with james at fellini's, and katie, kent, james and i headed to kent's apartment to play super smash brothers. i was quite excited to win a game, until i found out that kent had let us win. ha. he was really good. he beat me, katie, and the computer, 1-on-3. it was funny.

yesterday was graduation, which was marked by the high points of seeing chris, christina, courtney, and jen walk across the stage, and then see the power go out and the coliseum go dark. afterwards, carter and i had lunch with my parents and katie, then headed to the big graduation party. i had a really nice time there, seeing people i haven't seen in a while and just watching everyone enjoy themselves. last night we even got to go to j.r.'s apartment complex, which backed up to the 99x stage at music midtown, so we got to watch the counting crows (from a distance, but still cool)! after that we had a late dinner at apres diem, and spent our last few hours in ulc 119. by then we were all exhausted, so it was bedtime.

i'm headed back to san francisco tomorrow night, but i must say, this weekend has exceeded all expectations. i was worried about being in the way of the graduates, but that turned out not to be a problem, and instead, i have gotten to spend time with some of my very best friends. it's funny to think that it has been a whole year now since i graduated...it seems to have gone by in a blink. (we've got to leave now, so i'll have to finish this thought later.)

wow, i forgot to update yesterday... and i had stuff to write about too!

i went to old navy yesterday between class and yoga, in search of another pair of low-rise, boot-cut, dark blue jeans exactly like the pair--my favorite pair of jeans--that i bought there a year ago. well, i guess i should have known better than to hope old navy would carry the same type of jeans two years in a row. oh, they had tons of low-rise boot-cut jeans, some even dyed dark blue...but they were all in that style that seems to be popular these days where the fronts and backs of the thighs, and the butt, are stonewashed or something. i mean, there are two obvious stripes on the front and back of the thighs where the color is "faded" and washed out. am i the only person who thinks this fashion looks absolutely horrible? ugh. so no luck finding the jeans i wanted.

you know, i used to really like old navy, and i could always find something there that i really liked. lately, i never find anything good there. i think they have changed. they used to be like the gap, but cheaper. i like the gap, because even though they follow trends, they also have a way of sticking with classic styles that always look good. old navy, on the other hand, has begun to cater to teenyboppers, and teenyboppers alone. it's disappointing, but i think i'm going to have to say goodbye to old navy.

anyway. last night at breakers we cooked the meal i planned, and it turned out ok which made me happy. we tried this recipe for "sweet orange chicken" and though it looked very strange, in the end it just turned out to taste sort of like sweet and sour chicken. but of course we had cupcakes with cream cheese icing for dessert, so that made it all better. ;)

today has been really busy so far. i had a midterm in my planetary exploration class and it was really easy. yay! this afternoon i ran all sorts of errands and...dum dum dum...i made my last "extraneous" purchase of the year. this means i am not allowed to buy any more expensive toys for myself until i have moved to houston, begun to save serious money, and can furnish my entire apartment. expensive toys will now be replaced by even-more-expensive furniture. yes, furnishing my apartment now becomes my priority.)

so what is my toy? a digital camera! yay! it's a canon powershot s30, if you're interested. i'm pumped.

anyway, i haven't had too much time to play around with it yet, but i'll post some pictures when i get a chance. at the moment, it's time to head over to steve's for a big group dinner with steve, his fiance fiona (who is visiting), mike, aaron, bree, chris, john, etc. should be fun.