back to reality

today i am feeling much, much better, the only after-effects of yesterday's nauseous misery being the fact that i am extremely dehydrated. fortunately, there is no shortage of water and gatorade. mmm.

i was even productive! nick and i took our cars to be washed and ended up driving to the one in sunnyvale because the one here in mountain view was closed, so that was a bit of an adventure. well, nothing exciting happened, but we at least saw a little more of the area. then we got oil changes, and then i even spotted a pier 1 on the way back, so i stopped in to get some of those picture clips christina had that i liked. now i have to figure out where to put them.

i just realized that my windshield is clean at the moment, so it would be a great time to put more rain-x on. "the invisible windshield wiper." heh. yep, just another exciting sunday afternoon here in california. ;)

(9:42 p.m.)

i want to start taking pictures again. my poor camera has been sitting for far too long. the problem? i can't find access to a darkroom. apparently there is not a darkroom available for general student use at stanford, and this fact disappoints me greatly.

now that i've decided to take the nasa job and move to houston "permanently" this summer, i feel sort of as if i'm spinning my wheels here at stanford; my feelings about being here are very conflicted. i am glad to be getting my master's degree now, as i know i would have greatly regretted not coming to grad school if in fact i hadn't come. really, i have no regrets at all about coming here. but now i'm ready to be done, and since i know where i'm going next (to houston), i just feel ready to get there, i guess. and yet i am not in a hurry to leave stanford because in only four months, i have fallen in love with the area. i love living here, i love riding my bike around and running and even doing mundane things like errands.

i talked to neal tonight. he wanted me to come to flicks with him, but i declined the invitation. since i was sick yesterday, i didn't get anything done, and i have some reading that i really need to do in the next couple hours before going to bed. but i told him we should get together sometime soon, and i promised him i would go to flicks next week. {sigh} he is a nice guy, but i'm not sure what he wants from me, and i don't know what i want from him. the last time we actually saw each other, he wordlessly conveyed the idea that he was interested in more, and then i blew him off for the rest of the quarter. i feel sort of bad about doing that. still, i don't know... though everyone is telling me i should date him for, if nothing else, the experience...i can't explain it, but i don't really have any interest in dating anyone right now. maybe i'm too picky, or maybe i just have these unrealistic notions of finding the perfect person...maybe i'm just bad at dating. i guess i just think that dating someone should be easy, you know, it should just happen naturally. then again, when has anything happened "naturally" in my life? i guess i'll just see what happens.