January 2002 Archives

how's this for slightly embarassing? at 23 years old, i have, in the span of a week, developed a crush on a boy with a red baseball hat, a navy blue peacoat, and a fantastic smile. he listens to john mayer and plays the guitar. {happy sigh} it has been a really long time since i had a crush. i thought i was past that phase. oh well. i doubt anything will come of it, but it's fun just the same. ;)

tomorrow will be my last column in the daily. i'm kind of sad about it. coming up with a good idea every week was less than easy, and some of the columns i wrote were definitely better than others as a result. but i will miss the commitment to write something every week. i will miss being proud of seeing my name in print. if nothing else, serving as a columnist was wonderful motivation to put a few thoughts in a coherent piece of writing.

nick suggested that i keep writing a column every week, but since i can't put it in the daily anymore, to just post it on my webpage. that would work, and i may indeed try that out...but i would probably never enjoy the "legitimacy" and certainly not the readership of publishing in the paper. then again, sometimes i dream of creating a website that will log thousands of hits each day, from all over the world. i'd like to think that i could have something to offer, something to share with strangers. for a while now i have wanted to create a really good website, with my own domain name and everything. i just feel like i need better content than my schedule and pictures of my friends. i'm still thinking about it. anyway.

i am in a strange mood tonight. i am about to go running, in hopes of escaping it.

i'm also afraid i might be getting sick again, even before my last cold and its still lingering cough have disappeared. i was feeling ok earlier, but during my three hour class this afternoon as i sat there, i got warmer and warmer, and my neck started to ache, and then my back. class ended but i was still aching, and it didn't stop until dinnertime, when i was able to get ahold of a couple advil. i'm feeling ok now, but i think after my run it'll probably be a good idea to hit the sack sometime no later than midnight. i've been sick this entire quarter, and it sucks.

finally, in the spirit of our e206 project, i now give you my favorite webpage of the day...just click and you shall receive. hee hee.

my alarm clock and i are having issues, and as a result, i have overslept and missed the past two propulsion classes. grr. i set the time, but i forget to flick the switch to "on." how idiotic is that? i guess it just goes to show what happens when i'm tired. i should get in a habit of setting my alarm clock in the morning, right after i've turned it off.

today was really nice, despite the late start. when i finally woke an hour later than planned, i headed over to the a/a library to work on my e206 homework...and i was so proud of myself for being able to finish the entire assignment, correctly, with no assistance from anyone else! maybe i can do this after all, eh? now i just have to build the circuit, but i don't have the right size resistors (unless i want to figure out how to make resistances like 15, 8, and 30 kilo-ohms from the handful of 10 k-ohm resistors that i have...which is possible in some configuration, i know, but i'm lazy) so tomorrow aaron and i are going to make yet another trip to fry's. i have this feeling my visits to fry's are going to occur on quite a regular basis this quarter. it's ok though. i love fry's. it's this huge warehouse that has every kind of electronics-related thing you could ever possibly need. engineering heaven. and it's decorated in a wild west theme, which is just plain funny.

at noon i headed to the dance studio to watch nick film his audition tape, and that went quite well. (yes, he has a webpage now, check out that link!) from there i headed back to the library to finish my homework, and then headed to class at 3:15, where we learned all about v-n diagrams. talk about shades of senior design coming back to haunt me...

after class i walked towards home with valerie and tyson, but instead of going all the way home i stopped at cromem to harass nick. but i'd forgotten that he has class, and emily wasn't around...so i decided to go find where tyson lived in the building. he wasn't doing anything, so we hung out for the hour i had until dinner. we walked over to moonbeam's and got coffee, then sat on the floor in his room doing the crossword. i had never hung out with tyson before, but i have recently discovered that he is quite a cool guy. he was going on a blind date tonight! i wouldn't mind going on a date with tyson. ;) he's cute, and funny, and easy to talk to.

anyway. just a thought.

dinner was good, and i spent some time at the coffee house (coho in stanford lingo) with valerie, then watched part of a movie with emily, then headed home and wrote my column for tomorrow. now it's time for me to do some reading for tomorrow's discussion class.

and that, dear people, is a lovely summary of my very nice day.

it's funny how long the day is when you get up at 6 a.m. to run in a race, and don't get a chance to take a nap in the afternoon. yesterday was great--i was slightly tired, but happy after doing the race. and then i was home by 10 a.m. with an entire day in front of me. i had lunch with nick at quizno's, we went to safeway, then i went to target, and finally ended up in downtown palo alto where i got a roll of pictures developed, got my golden gate national parks poster framed, and found the circuit breadboard that i need at radio shack. so many errands, all completed before dinner! i should get up at 6 a.m. more often.....

yeah, except today i am exhausted. ; ) i'll sleep well this evening.

(12:32 a.m.)

i am currently obsessed with angie aparo, but despite this i still found this john mayer song that seems strangely appropriate to my life...or my life how it has been over the past year. my favorite line is the one that refers to a quarter-life crisis. i guess i didn't invent that term after all. dang, there goes my claim to fame.

"why georgia"
john mayer

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

today i ran in my very first road race! it was a 5k and half marathon in golden gate park...my out-of-shape booty ran the 5k, obviously. ;) the course was mostly flat and i finished in 34 minutes, for a pace of just under 11 minutes per mile. when i go running/jogging for pure exercise, my pace is usually in the 12-13 minute range, so it's nice to know that adrenalin really does give you a boost, eh? i want to run in another race soon! i was in awe of the half-marathoners though, who lapped me towards the end of the race. we all started together then they split, but later rejoined the course...their 5 mile checkpoint was just before the 5k's 2 mile mark, and the leaders of the half-marathon passed me a few tenths of a mile before the end of my race, at around their 6 mile marker. they were really crusing along.

yesterday i did indeed go to ikea, and here is my little tribute to the lovely swedish superstore, composed while i was waiting in line to check out:

"ode to ikea"

i went to ikea expecting to shop
but what i found there made my heart go flip-flop
hundreds of people, all shapes and all sizes
walking down aisles of wonderful prizes
like bookcases, shelving and tables and lamps
with prices so low that you know they'll be champs
the furnishing goodness inside left no doubt
"hooray for ikea!" i wanted to shout
when the time came to leave, i really felt blue
i can't wait to return for an hour or two!

i am a poet and you didn't know it, how about that? anyway. regardless of my pathetic poetry skills, i am now in love with ikea and can't believe i waited that long to go. i am definitely making a mega-trip there when i move to houston. yesterday i bought a bookcase to put in the corner of my room, and a picture frame, and a small table lamp...and i was really restraining myself. there was sooo much i wanted to get.

i just realized that i didn't write anything yesterday. that is sort of weird, since writing in this journal is fairly ingrained into the course of my day.

it's cold and dark and rainy outside, but i'm feeling better because i've had a bit of sleep. and i had fun last night. once a month the dance department puts on this thing called jammix, where they just play all kinds of music and everyone dances. now, i love to dance...however, i have not really had many lessons, and though i know the basic steps, i feel somewhat awkward when i try to put them to use. so i was unsure about going, but after prodding from nick and susan and my inner conscience ("come on sarah, it will be good for you..."), i went.

and it was really fun! it was so different than the dances we went to in houston, where most people were snobby and wouldn't dance with you unless you knew exactly what you were doing and could do all the fancy moves. last night, random people were asking me to dance, and they didn't care that i didn't know all the steps. this funny italian guy named eduardo even tried to teach me to polka and couldn't believe that i had never done it before. at least i think i am a quick learner. :)

so i think i am going to join the social dance class, where we learn swing (which i already know), waltz, and tango. susan is in the class, so that will be nice too.

so i am feeling more sane. i am thinking about going over to the other side of the bay to ikea this afternoon...i have needed some sort of shelf to go between my desk and dresser since school began, and i have been sort of looking for an excuse to go to ikea...so maybe this is it.

and i talked to chris for a while this afternoon about things, and i have a few decisions to make this week. <-- i apologize for the cryptic nature of that sentence, but after all, this journal is in a place where any schmo can read it. my talk with chris will be saved for private conversation.

i need sleep, and i need to get rid of this lingering cold. i know i will feel better once those two things are accomplished. until then, i will remain in this emotional and stressed out state.

i talked to carter last night for almost three hours. it was a fantastic conversation, one that i have been wanting to have for years. literally, years. after i hung up the phone, i felt so good. but i also felt sad.

i am uncertain how much to actually write in a medium as public as this online journal, when i know that many people who are close to me read it. but i will say a little bit. for a long time, i thought i would marry carter. we talked about dating, but it never worked out. it wasn't my fault or his fault, but it just didn't work. we are really great as friends, and nothing more, and that is the simplified version of the story.

my problem is that once i realized i would not marry carter, i started to worry about "well...who will i marry?" and rationally, this is not something i need to be worrying about. but emotionally, the thought is there all the same. at some point, i don't want to be alone anymore.

i know things will be ok. i am just in a period of doubt right now. i am ready to be happy. i am ready to not feel alone. i am ready to finish school, and ready to move to houston.

today has been a rollercoaster ride. i am both happy, and sad. i've lost track of where i am headed, or even where i want to go. but i have some good friends to keep me company along the way.

most of the time i swim happily along in this california river. then someone sends me something like this and i start missing them all over again:

(10:33 p.m.)

maybe it's not supposed to be easy. maybe it's supposed to be nerve-wracking and uncertain at first. i wonder if i'm up to the challenge of finding out.

i know that's cryptic. it has been a long day, and tomorrow promises to be no different. i have two homework assignments due thursday, a column due tomorrow afternoon, and a bunch of reading to do tonight. i won't finish it all, but hopefully i can get at least half done. i am stressed by school, and confused about my personal life. i talked to carter tonight, and to neal. i watched tv while doing e206 homework. now i am feeling the need to escape, but nick is not there, and neither is emily, and neither is valerie. i wish starbucks was still open.

i think i would smile really big if i could just find a good place with homemade ice cream here. like jake's. is that so much to ask?

i dyed my hair. red. the "lasts 18-24 shampoos" kind. it doesn't really look much different. a tad redder, and a tad darker, since the parts that were really blond got covered. otherwise...nothing remarkable.

my throat still hurts today, which means i have probably put off the cold another day, and tomorrow it will arrive full force. in the meantime, i will drink a lot of fluids and try to get to bed early. this is a bad week to have a cold, since i have an assignment due in every single class. but i'll manage.

i just spent the past half hour filling a picture frame that my grandmother gave me for christmas. it has five 2.5x3.5 inch frames, all hinged together to form a long set. it's the perfect size to sit here on my desk right under my monitor, where i can look at the pictures every day. the only problem was finding shots that would crop vertically, but i managed. i have a picture of nick and me from work last summer, the picture of the technique staff posing for the 2000 freshman issue, a picture of jelly and me in the shaft fountain after the technique-sga softball game last spring, a picture of curt and me outside denny's from last weekend, and daniel's black and white picture of becca and me happily holding our diplomas at graduation last may. it's great. i love doing little projects like that.

now i have a couple hours until dinner, so i going to go to the mall. i need khaki pants, and i could also use another pair of jeans.

why me?? why again? {sigh} i am afraid i may be coming down with a cold, just like a few months ago. my throat has gotten progressively sorer as the day has passed, which is usually the single sign that precedes sneezing and sniffling and a stuffed nose. i can't figure out why i'm getting a cold though--i've been getting enough sleep, and i'm not very stressed right now. i guess i just caught it from someone. ugh.

today was fairly quiet. i had breakfast at the peninsula grill (where, according to nick and curt, "god is in the kitchen cooking") with nick and debbie and left thoroughly stuffed. their food was really good, and their milkshakes were unbelievable. i couldn't finish mine, but i really really wanted to. we walked around the mall for a while after eating to let everything settle, then headed back to campus. i spent the afternoon playing sim city and reading and organizing my notebooks for this quarter. despite the holiday weekend, breakers was still serving dinner so i had to clean, but after that i headed to emily's to watch the simpson's and alias, which were both entertaining.

i came home to nurse my sore throat, but realized that i needed to clean the kitchen before unzi and kate get back from their respective mlk weekend vacations, so i did that. and hey...since i was in a cleaning mood...i also vacuumed and straightened my room. tomorrow i've really got to hit the books though, since i haven't done anything academically productive all weekend.

i love san francisco. i don't even want to leave. how can i possibly be moving to houston, of all places??

i spent the entire day with nick and debbie (who is in town visiting), and it was awesome. we went up to san francisco and parked at pier 39, where we caught the ferry over to alcatraz. we took the tour there, which was really interesting...and wow, the views from out there in the middle of the bay are unbeatable! a former prisoner was quoted as saying how effective a prison alcatraz was--to have to look out the window every day and see the golden gate bridge, and boats, and the city, and know that you can't go there.

we came back to the piers and walked around for a while, and debbie and i indulged our inner six-year-olds by doing this bungee cord/trampoline thing where you put a harness around your waist and thighs, attach a bungee cord on either side, and then jump up and down on a trampoline, where you can do flips and stuff. that was really fun. we took pictures, so i'll have to post them to my webpage sometime.

from the harbor, we headed a bit into town and drove down lombard street so debbie could get a good view of all the hills. as the sun went down we got to the golden gate bridge, and walked out to the first tower. from there we headed back to palo alto and went to this fantastic italian restaurant. i got a dessert with orange sherbet and a creamy pudding-type stuff filled with strawberries and blueberries and raspberries. it was soooo good.

and now i am home, to relax with my book before climbing into bed after this fantastic day.

i stayed at the nuthouse later than i wanted to last night--2 a.m.--and now i am sleepy this morning. it's not that i don't like staying up late, it's just that i don't like being sleepy in class the next day. in my opinion, there are few things that are worse than trying to stay awake during class when you are already pretty tired. it always seems like such a losing battle.

but the nuthouse was fun. a bunch of aero/astro people go there every thursday night, but i'd never actually gotten off my butt to go over there. i've always had the best intentions of going on thursday afternoons, but by thursday nights i've always lost my energy. but last night valerie made me go, and i was glad she did. it was fun to hang out with my class as well as the class above us (most of our teaching assistants, which is amusing) outside the context of school and homework. and the nuthouse is a really laid back place...to the point of being a total dive. which gives it some kind of strange charm, i suppose.

last night my roommates and i were watching tv when i realized that i will be all alone in my apartment this weekend! kate is going to tahoe to ski, unzi is heading down to los angeles. i'm going nowhere. i hadn't thought of going anywhere, though i don't know why. l.a. would be a great weekend trip, or tahoe, or yosemite, or camping on the beach. this would have been a great weekend for me to take the quick trip to seattle i've been wanting. oh well. it wil be fine here. tomorrow i'm heading up to san francisco with nick and debbie (who is in town visiting him for the weekend) to do the tourist thing and visit alcatraz. emily has promised me we'll go to the movies tomorrow night (i'm in withdrawal!), and play scrabble on sunday. hmm. that sounds really boring, i know, but when we play scrabble it is somehow a crazy good time.

well, off to class. hopefully i'll stay awake!

this afternoon i went to a women in engineering seminar. today's speakers were two former stanford students who are now working in consulting and as a professor at cornell, respectively. the topic was simple--they just discussed how they got to be where they are, and the decisions they made along the way. it was really interesting.

maybe it's because i feel so unsure of my direction myself, or maybe i just like to hear cool stories...but i always really enjoy hearing about the paths that other people have followed to end up where they are. when i am older, i want to have great stories to tell about my life, with funny twists and turns, and things i never expected that turn out to be incredible. right now i often feel like i am just spinning my wheels down some ordinary, unoriginal road to "adulthood." going to grad school is what people like me do, so i'm just following the herd. it's not that being here at stanford is a bad decision--i am happy to be here (except, of course, when i have too much homework). it's just that sometimes i wonder if i'm following what i think i'm supposed to be doing, instead of what i actually want to do. i want something cool, i want something exciting. i like to hear about ordinary people who have ended up doing unusual things. i guess that's why i liked the seminar today.

uh oh. i've been up for half an hour and i'm already cold. this does not bode well for the rest of the day.

(6:55 p.m.)

today has been a pretty good day, i must say, despite the fact that i've been cold for most of it. in fact, my fingers are tingling now as i type, trying desperately to warm up from the chill outside. i complained to carter about the cold this morning, then realized to my amusement that he's not exactly the best person to complain to about this particular subject, seeing as how he spends his weeks in pittsburgh where the high for the day is lower than the low here. ah well.

i am really pumped about my group assignment for e206, a project class i am taking this quarter where we learn how to design and build--from scratch--a simple control system. i am in the "wire walker" group with aaron, mike, and steve, three people who i know well and really enjoy. i know working with them will be fun. right now we're thinking of making some sort of balancing beam, where corrections will be made via propellers on each end of the bar, or some sort of air thruster system. we don't know if we're shooting too high or if we could actually accomplish more, but we'll find out soon enough i suppose.

my me215 (a.k.a. read books about life and emotions and psychology and then discuss) class was really interesting today. it is neat to see how a group of people will open up when they feel comfortable, or when they feel like they won't be judged. that's what this class is like. for the first two hours we discussed this past week's reading assignment, a book called "the adjusted american." if you ever want to gain some alternately pessimistic and insightful observations about the needs, wants and emotions of a so-called "adjusted" american person such as yourself, i highly recommend the book. even though i didn't agree with everything said, i still was able to find some situations where i could easily identify myself...you know, the sort of thought where you go "hey, wait, i do that sometimes!"

the most potent example for me was the story of a housewife who has been at home the entire rainy day cooking and cleaning and running errands and dealing with her children. later that night the children have finally gone to bed and she has a moment of peace and quiet. she is cleaning up the dishes in the kitchen when her husband finally gets home from work and says "you still haven't finished the dishes??" at which point the wife bursts into tears. the point is that all day she has been stressed out and anxious and all she can think of is what an outsider would disdainfully think of her as they observed her actions, and so when her husband returns and voices her negative thoughts about herself, she breaks down. the book's summation of the situation says "the unfair criticism which galls is that which he directs against himself." i think sometimes i have this same tendancy to take the slightest criticism and blow it out of proportion, and that habit is something i've been really working on lately.

later on, the book has another great (if unsurprising) conclusion that "most of what [the adjusted american] does is undertaken for the effect it will have on other people. thus he imposes on himself a constant concern with what he thinks other people think he should be doing, or how other people evaluate what he has done." psycho-babble-ish as it may appear, in my case it is also very accurate, and yet another thing i have realized over the past few years that i am prone to doing myself.

towards the end we did a fun activity where we sat in three groups of 7 or 8 and went around the circle asking questions...things ranging from "when was the last time you cried" to "what's the last book you read for pleasure" to "when's the last time you had a sleepless night." i surprised myself with some of the things i admitted. it really is an interesting class.

with the exception of my first few moments of consciousness this morning, i have been cold all day. cold in my classes (where i swear they still are running the air conditioning), cold at breakers (which has no heat), cold in the study lounge, and extra cold riding my bike (which produces quite a nice gale). tonight it is supposed to be 34 degrees, and with the breeze, it feels colder. i am tempted to go buy some long underwear, and to start dressing in four and five layers. i wonder if wearing two hats would keep my ears warm?

i made chocolate chip cookies for dessert at breaker's tonight, and they were a hit. i got tired of not having dessert, so i made them. this one guy, james, doesn't eat chocolate, so i made him some chip-less cookies. i know, just dough, very strange, but he really liked them. i joked that i should have someone else clean for me, and my job could just be to make a dessert at least once a week...and everyone else strongly favored that idea. well, i guess we'll see. making dessert takes more time than cleaning, but i enjoy getting the compliments and seeing everyone look forward to dinner that night.

i swear, nick should just stop taking engineering classes. all he can talk about is dance. he loves it so much. i wish i had something that i was that passionate about. he is funny.

i've got some reading to do for class tomorrow, as well as a column to finish, so off i go.

so get this: today at jsc, debbie got to see freaking tom cruise. he was at the space center with penelope cruz and his kids, touring the place, because he is going to be the narrator for a new space-themed imax movie. dang it, here i am in beautiful california, looking forward to starting my job but not looking forward to living in yucky houston, and who should show up in yucky houston but tom cruise!

as for me, i spent the day being productive even though my morning was annoying. well, the cause of the annoyance was my fault--i forgot that my 10:00 class was cancelled, so i could have slept an hour later. ah well. instead, i hung out in the study lounge and did the crossword. after e206 i headed to breakers for lunch, came home, played some simcity (i'm becoming obsessed, uh oh), then headed out to do errands. i hit lenscrafters, office depot, old navy, and even mailed a package, all in a few hours. dinner at breakers, followed by flute ensemble, and now i am home again, home again. i wanted to go running today but it is getting sort of late. maybe i'll go for a short one. that sounds pretty good.

today i am feeling much, much better, the only after-effects of yesterday's nauseous misery being the fact that i am extremely dehydrated. fortunately, there is no shortage of water and gatorade. mmm.

i was even productive! nick and i took our cars to be washed and ended up driving to the one in sunnyvale because the one here in mountain view was closed, so that was a bit of an adventure. well, nothing exciting happened, but we at least saw a little more of the area. then we got oil changes, and then i even spotted a pier 1 on the way back, so i stopped in to get some of those picture clips christina had that i liked. now i have to figure out where to put them.

i just realized that my windshield is clean at the moment, so it would be a great time to put more rain-x on. "the invisible windshield wiper." heh. yep, just another exciting sunday afternoon here in california. ;)

(9:42 p.m.)

i want to start taking pictures again. my poor camera has been sitting for far too long. the problem? i can't find access to a darkroom. apparently there is not a darkroom available for general student use at stanford, and this fact disappoints me greatly.

now that i've decided to take the nasa job and move to houston "permanently" this summer, i feel sort of as if i'm spinning my wheels here at stanford; my feelings about being here are very conflicted. i am glad to be getting my master's degree now, as i know i would have greatly regretted not coming to grad school if in fact i hadn't come. really, i have no regrets at all about coming here. but now i'm ready to be done, and since i know where i'm going next (to houston), i just feel ready to get there, i guess. and yet i am not in a hurry to leave stanford because in only four months, i have fallen in love with the area. i love living here, i love riding my bike around and running and even doing mundane things like errands.

i talked to neal tonight. he wanted me to come to flicks with him, but i declined the invitation. since i was sick yesterday, i didn't get anything done, and i have some reading that i really need to do in the next couple hours before going to bed. but i told him we should get together sometime soon, and i promised him i would go to flicks next week. {sigh} he is a nice guy, but i'm not sure what he wants from me, and i don't know what i want from him. the last time we actually saw each other, he wordlessly conveyed the idea that he was interested in more, and then i blew him off for the rest of the quarter. i feel sort of bad about doing that. still, i don't know... though everyone is telling me i should date him for, if nothing else, the experience...i can't explain it, but i don't really have any interest in dating anyone right now. maybe i'm too picky, or maybe i just have these unrealistic notions of finding the perfect person...maybe i'm just bad at dating. i guess i just think that dating someone should be easy, you know, it should just happen naturally. then again, when has anything happened "naturally" in my life? i guess i'll just see what happens.

i am sick. sick sick sick. i think the cashew nut chicken from dinner last night is the culprit, as i have been throwing up all day. yes, isn't that a lovely image?

hence, there is nothing to say about today except that i have been laying in bed wanting to die. at the moment, i am feeling slightly better, hence my managing to make the three-foot trip from my bed to my computer. now i am going back to bed.

the plumber just came by to fix our slow shower drain again and pulled out this massive gob of hair that was the culprit. YUCK. our shower drain clogs on a regular basis, and i'm not surprised to find out that hair is the reason; however, i also don't really know how to change the fact that three girls showering daily means that there will inevitably be a lot of hair shed. hmm. i guess we will just have to get some sort of strainer, or else just keep calling the plumber every month.

(5:48 p.m.)

well, curt and rob and ashini got here as planned to visit nick, and i hung out with them all afternoon. we ate lunch and then walked around campus. they are a fun bunch of people, however, it is also somewhat exhausting to hang out with them. there is constant laughter, which is always a good thing, but the three of them have so many inside jokes that often i end up feeling left out. but it's fun having them here anyway. tonight we're going to some club up in san francisco. should be a fun time.

i figure if i can't think of anything extremely interesting to write, i can at least try to put my day in an interesting format. here's one i'm making up on the fly.

what made me laugh the hardest today: christina's quote that "i cannot think of a single soul i would wish anak on." she says this as she is dating chris. ha ha ha!

what made me laugh second hardest today: irwin telling me, in response to my microsoft rant, to "be nice...or else we'll come and get you!!" (he works for microsoft. ha ha.)

what made me most tired today: sitting through aa200b. ugh.

what made me feel the dumbest today: not being able to make my hands work together in piano class.

what made me feel the coldest today: riding my bike to class. brr!

what made me feel the warmest today: eating bread and honey and laughing at the drama of survivor.

what made me think the hardest today: trying to remember the helicopter experiment from controls.

what made me sigh today: alex asking "where the hell is my picture of the day???? i demand resumption of the critically acclaimed non-profit program."

the picture of the day may be transitioning to picture of the week. nick i think is uninspired, and i don't know if most of my friends really care about getting it anymore. kent says he looks at the pictures but that's it. carter says he only likes the ones that i'm in. others just poke fun at it. though i think they might begin to miss it...at least i hope they would. let's take a vote: those of you who read this page, let me know if you want the picture of the day to continue or not!

yesterday i emailed carter basically the whole text of my journal entry, because i had a feeling it was the type of thing he likes. i was right. though he said there is definite point lossage for it being previously published material by the time it got to him. ah well. he doesn't read this page, so sometimes i inevitably repeat things. it is a fact of my personality that i repeat stories many times when i find them clever, or perceive them to be witty.

my latest obsessive song is one that i have already obsessed over before. you know it's got to be good if it makes a return. michelle branch, "all you wanted." good song.

chris's advice to me today via im: "just say yes to random dating." i don't know what spurned the comment, or why he felt the need to explain it to me other than the fact that he said they were trying to come up with a romantic interest for brad, which then made him think about me somehow. {sigh} my sister is dating this great boy...who i had the chance to date last spring and declined, ironically. in retrospect, it's good that we were only friends, as it has given my sister a wonderful sidekick. i wonder if she realizes how great her boy is.

i've developed a random habit of checking a webpage that lists recent earthquakes in the bay area. i never realized that there are multiple tremors each day, always so small that they go unnoticed. i have this strange desire to experience an earthquake while i am out here...one strong enough to feel, but not strong enough to do any real damage. i wonder if this is weird.

this quarter i am taking a class called "the designer and society." except the name of the course doesn't really have anything to do with the material. it is decidedly non-techical, filled with graduate students like me who worry that they are mindlessly following the engineering trail and losing hold of their creative/emotional/human half. we read books. we meet for three hours once a week. and we just talk. about each other, about what we read, and about what we think. i am amazed to find that i am going to receive credit for something i would do voluntarily.

carter says he likes it when i visit because i get everyone together, which they never do on their own. this makes me happy. it makes me remember that i have awesome friends who love me and who i love in return, who are willing to meet on a random sunday night for mediocre pizza simply because i asked them to.

today was good for many reasons. 1) it was sunny. 2) the bursar's office bowed to my demands. 3) i met many interesting people in my me215 class and look forward to learning more about them. 4) nju, tunji, david and i did the dishes to the tune of random rap music that was oddly entertaining. 5) i located the nearest pier 1 so that tomorrow i can get some photos clips like christina's. 6) there is a message on my answering machine from neal. 7) i turned in another daily column. 8) alberto bought those cookies that i like, the ones with lemon jelly and a creme filling.

today was bad for only a few reasons. 1) it turns out dawson's creek doesn't return until next week, so i missed my weekly indulgence. 2) christopher was not at dinner. nick and emily think christopher has issues, and maybe he does, but he also has a friendly smile and laughs at my jokes, and so i missed him.

hmm. i think that is all.

(12:05 a.m.)

AGGGGGH!!! yet again, i have been brought close to a heart attack by freaking microsoft. the reason? my freaking computer tried to delete all my freaking email without any warning. i was calmly installing a new version of microsoft money and happily restarted my computer as requested...and when it booted again, all my email was gone! BASTARD MICROSOFT!! bill gates is lucky i knew how to handle the situation and locate the old files before they faded into the oblivion of my hard drive or else i would have figured out a way to firebomb his house. why does installing microsoft money have anything to do with my outlook express? i have no idea. money, email, money, email...i don't see the correlation. FREAKING MICROSOFT!!!

tomorrow i go in search of a better email reader. does anyone have similar complaints about eudora, or is that a good choice? if you have suggestions, please let me know.

getting up this morning was quite easy! hmm, i guess that is probably because my body still thinks it's already noon. silly bodies, it takes them so long to catch up.

on the schedule for today: class (propulsion) with cantwell in half an hour, then i put on my boxing gloves and head to the bursar's office. i'm not leaving until they waive their stupid late fee. grrrrrr. they frustrate me. i guess i'll probably buy books today too. and deal with my big pile of mail, including...the official offer letter from nasa! woohoo! off i go.

(12:12 a.m.)

from alex: words of wisdom that made an impression on me today: when life gives you lemons, grab the tequilla and salt too. heh.

i am back in california after a wonderful holiday break. i wasn't ready to leave charlotte last week, and then i wasn't ready to leave atlanta today, but i must admit that it was quite nice to see nick's smiling face picking me up at the airport, and then return to the comfort of my room and more importantly, my bed.

the stack of mail waiting for me is enormous! i hope it is not all bills.

not much to report today, in any case. i spent 10.5 hours total travel time, from my arrival at the marta station in atlanta to my departure from the baggage claim in san francisco. i'm gonna unpack and hit the sack.

i am caught. after a few days here i am comfortable with being back in atlanta. yet in two days i will be gone. and i am ready to get back to california, but not ready to get back to classes. {sigh} am i ever ready to do anything?? geez, i even frustrate myself sometimes. i miss nick and emily and aaron. it'll be nice to get back to them, and my car, and my room.

we're about to watch empire of the sun. and in other random news...i bought a new journal the other day. it's funny how my online journal has become such a habit that i write every day, even when i don't have anything of interest to say. and yet i neglect my real journal even when i want to write in it.

school starts for everyone here at tech today; it is funny that i am still free for another few days before i have to start back as well.

last night was great. i went to the cheesecake factory with kent, daniel, jelly, christina, chris, and chrissy--my favorite restaurant with some of my favorite people. then we came back and the chris-people and i had a slumber party...you know, we played canasta (which i had never played before) and drank merlot and watched a young john cusack in better off dead. that is such a funny random movie.

anyway, i don't know what's going on today. hmm. i think perhaps katie will be back sometime. yay. off we go.

oh my god. i was trying to update my little journal here and the update page had this god-awful annoying flashing banner ad above the text box. it was horrible. i had to quit and come back. eek.

anyway, the snow is still all over the ground here in atlanta. i wish i had my camera to take some pictures, but alas, i accidentally left it at j.r.'s on new year's eve, and haven't managed to get it back from him yet. i should really try to get it back sometime today, since a bunch of us are supposed to go to the cheesecake factory and then dave and buster's tonight, and i'm sure i'll want to take pictures of everyone. someone was making fun of me when i said "i need new pictures of you guys!" because after all, it's only been four months since i saw everyone...you know, not like they've drastically changed. but me being the photograph fanatic that i am, i want new pictues!

la la. i'm sitting here in kent's apartment. we had a fun night--watched dvds, talked to becca and carter, and just hung out. then he put his two couches together face to face, and i had a nice little bed. :) he went to the store while i was in the shower, but he is not back yet. i assume the roads were ok, since he decided to go out at all. actually, i'm sure the roads are fine, but everyone is freaking out anyway because we're not used to having snow. silly southerners. 'course, i'm a southerner too, but hey.

hey mom and dad..."it's really coming down!" yes everyone, it is snowing!! i am all shocked and amazed. it is great! i didn't think i would get to see any snow this winter, but here i am in atlanta with flakes falling. it's not sticking to roads yet, but it's starting to pile up on the bushes and trees. i had no idea it was supposed to snow--how cool!

this afternoon christina and i are headed to barnes and noble, i believe. and errands. dinner at doc chey's, ice cream at jake's. it all sounds like a good plan to me. i guess i've basically decided that in order to avoid making the rest of the week a "sarah feels like an inconvenience" party, i'm just going to have fun. i mean, how often do i get to see my friends anymore? not often enough.

nick was in atlanta for new year's, but i didn't manage to connect with him. i know emily is around this week, so i'm going to give her a call and see if she's interested in doing anything.

and so yes, i've accepted the nasa job. well, not officially since the offer letter is waiting for me in california when i get back to school on monday, but i've accepted via email. my dad called this morning to talk about it, and is all worried that i am not happy. truthfully, i am happy about it. i got the job offer in exactly the division i wanted, and all fall i have been saying that when that happened i would accept. and so i have.

the thought of going to houston makes me feel calm. i look forward to having my own place, and being able to "set up house" without having to consider another cross-country move in 6, 7, 8...months. the only reason i am not more excited is that it is just a little strange. here i am: visiting the friends and places i spent five extraordinary years with but can no longer see more than once every few months...without my room and my car and dependent on the generosity and hospitality of these friends and their families...ready to get back to stanford but not ready to begin classes again...and then i get the final word on my job offer. and i accept it. a year ago, i never would have guessed it. i was all set for another five years of school to get that pristine ph.d., and thought i might even stay here at tech just because i couldn't imagine what it would be like to leave.

funny how things change. so dad, if you're reading, it's hard for me to be overly excited about the job right now. but i am happy.

it's the new year, so happy 2002, i guess. i'm in atlanta, with many mixed feelings. i fear i am an inconvenience, an uninvited burden. i feel...detached. not a part of their lives anymore.

i miss my car. and my room. i want to get back to california, but not back to school.

but it's official, my job offer is in dm. so i guess i'll accept it. um. yeah, i guess that is what to do, right?

i think so.